Actually, it’s the day before my birthday, and so I get to post things I like. And tonight, the thing I like would be CHUCK NORRIS QUOTES:

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris CAN divide by zero.

In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lay’s chip.

Chuck Norris CAN touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.

Before the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris is so strong that when he does a push up he actually pushes the world down.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris says, “More cowbell,” he gets it.

And my favorite one: Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.